Hate Me For All The Things I Didn't Do For You

I just listened to this song, which I used to dedicate to someone very dear to my heart. The lyrics are very tormenting, to my ears, to my heart, as every single word is very true. Emm, I can’t help but to think that kadang-kadang kiter cari sejuta sebab untuk melukakan hati orang, to push someone away from our lives. That’s very selfish, mean, egoistic, yet we still do it. We decide to ignore their feelings, to disregard all the consequences. Sometimes, it's because we think it is the best thing to do at that very moment... I did.

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head

They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed

Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone

Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain

An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?

And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?

And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with

The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again

In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night

While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate

You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take

So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind

And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
.

Hate me today Hate me tomorrow

Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

.

Hate me in ways, ways hard to swallow

Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you

.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave

Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made

And like a baby boy I never was a man

Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand

And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"

Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be

And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

.

.

'Heaps' of thanx. xoxo.

It has been almost a week am here in Adelaide. (ada org tu bising I tak update blog. heheh) Alhamdulillah everything’s fine. Erm, ape yek. Already opened bank accounts (one of them is called ANZ Bank. Haha. How could I part myself form ANZ), got my student id card done, and jln2 a bit. Rundle Mall of course. Em, just to get used to the public transportation system here. Anyway, the system is awesome. Awesome signifies its punctuality, the well-mannered drivers, and its cleanliness as a whole. I have this ambitious vision of our own beloved public transportation system to be this efficient someday. The Uni is ok, as expected. Hopefully I can finish my study peacefully towards the end, amin. Ramai je foreigner kat sini, so rase cam kat UIA je. Haha. Ok, enjoy la the pics below. Tak amik byk gambar cos always on the run 2,3 ari ni. (Maaf la Fadhil. Haha).

This is where I tunggu bus biler nak pulang ke rumah

Rundle Mall @ 4++pm

Otw to UNISA City East. Very nice walking environment. @ UNISA City East

@ City West Campus

Anyway, I would like to say my humble thanks to those managed to show up @ KLIA last Friday. Adda, Kiah, Yam, Deena, Atul, Liza, Nan, Neem, Zulaisyah, Gie, Ebal, Fadhl, Ardi, Azril, Abdus, Aiman. (have I miss someone out, ampun ye. I tried my hardest to remember everyone) It was sweet indeed, esp biler ade lagu ‘I’ll Always Love You’ (Whitney Houston) tym turun escalator sambil babai2 semua org. Demmit. Haha. Tym tu tetiba rase nak nangis, padahal before tu punyer la buat2 bertabah. Tacing giler. Haha. Ok la, here I wanna make special feature of farewell gifts. Thanx ye sume. (ops Deena, sori ur kain batik dah kemas2 dlm almari dear. n other gifts as well; perfume (Kak Yuli), mugs, sweater (Mdm Zalin), brooch.... alamak ape lg yek. Yg sempat je lah ye. Hehe.

Ok everibody, babai. Have a good day~

3ftg IN MEMORY. ahaks .

Again I met my lovely friends of my teen years on last saturday, 7th February 2009. It was like our last sweet rendezvous until the next two years. Probably lah. Hana, Diella, and Nadiya. And Nadiya, thanks darling for those farewell gifts. (Choc Forrero Rocher + kad goodbye yg tetiba Hana n Diella pun nak sign. heheh). We had dinner at Crocodile Rocks, recommended by Hana yg ‘secretly’ brought us there, which not so rock la, I mean the food was not that nice, tp the ambience not bad la… Whatever it was, for sure you guys yg rock!

Later we had our photo+gossip2 session at Teluk Cempedak yang sgt happening. Ye, saye org Kuantan yg tidak pernah ke Teluk Cempedak pd mlm minggu, atau mlm2 biasa sekalipun. Pathetic kan. Haha. Tp mmg best la p pantai itu di mlm2 ari. Lebih best sbb cam ade band wat show kat situ. But not sure la band ape atau show ape. Mmg happening la. Byk pulak org Kuantan di TC mlm itu. Semua muke2 pun cam tak pernah nampak. Haha. We sat by the beach and chitchatting until midnite. Owh, until Zulatfi aka Acong aka exbf Nadiya came to join us. But shortly after that, we had to say goodbye to each other, dah mlm sgt. Huhu. Thanks guys for the nite. And for the friendship we treasured since 12 years ago. May it last for another 12 years. And more.

Teluk Cempedak yang best.

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GATHERINGs

For the past two weeks, I had series of gatherings. I had my chance to meet some of my beloved friends; from my primary school, SMARTIANs, and of course my remarkable 12.1 studiomates.

We had this first 12.1 gathering of 2009 last Saturday at Bagan Lalang. The beach is ok lah but I can assure the fun that we had was awesome. I think, lebih dari separuh ahli studio yang muncul, the food pun sgt best (thanx to Eli, Madec, and sume yg terlibat membakar hotdog, udang, ikan, kerang, etc).

Dan rasenya this is the first time that we had like 4 games played over and over non stop. And I love it when we all got physical and active. Hehe. Firstly was futsal (inclusive brothers and sisters) which I didn’t take part. Followed by teng2 (ok, only four of us). Then the fun began when we start playing 'bola beracun' and 'baling selipar'. Some of us even argued and got confused on how the games were played. Since yelah, dah bertahun jgk tinggalkan all these kind of childhood games kan. Dan sgtlah seronok dan kelakar. Seriously. Hehe. Selain itu of course la, acara bergambar melompat yang memang dah jadi tradisi.

Menjelang mlm, all girls dah balik dulu. Tinggal lah lelaki yang overnite ingin bercamping tgh having their sweet ‘pillow talk’; membincangkan 'isu dalaman' mereka. Which I tried to nyibuk but tak sempat since dah nak balik jgk. Haha. Ok. Anyway, I did have so much fun. Thank you guys!

A week before I met my 3D fellows two nights in a row. I met Nadiya, Adi, Aiman, Zamri, Hazran etc at Oldtown. (Tiah and Adi nak distribute their wedding card actually). And the next mlm I met Hana, Diella, Fadhlulhadi, Azwan, etc, which then I bumped into a bunch of other SMARTIANs. Tetiba cam ade gathering budak-budak SMART pulak kat situ, which was nice actually. Here is Hana. And Diella, my partners in crime. Ever. Muah2.

End.